walking on a tightrope
day in and out
and I ask myself
‘what are you afraid of?’
but I don’t answer
because I’m afraid of it
one foot
in front
of the other
constant fear
that I am going to
**** this up
the way I always do
it doesn’t take a lot
to topple me off this tightrope
I was barely on it anyway
and I’m so tired of falling
time and time again
I promise myself it’s over
no more tightrope
stay on the ground
where it’s safe
but something compels me
to get back on
like I’m a circus animal
it’s well worth a laugh
to an outsider
at least
I come to fear the tightrope
more than the reason for it
I want to hate the tightrope
so I do
without wondering why
and it destroys me
it only takes one step
to end my time up here
and there is a cruel pleasure in the pain of the fall
hurt myself
before somebody else can
stop trying
a tempting siren
but I know
that I’ll have to get back up
over and over
one foot
in front
of the other
in front
of
the
other
and I’m so tired
I never want to walk
the tightrope
again.