Who am I?*
To you-
I'm the pin cushion for all the weak fumbling shots
I'm a bundle of nerves from all your panic
Your panic
Your pin cushion
Your mannequin, shaping  as you please
Up and down over and over
Late and hard
Your cupboard of insecurities
All your words too big for everyone else to hear
the ones you save for me,  
'cause you always knew I wouldn't fight back
All your fists and bruises that you echo
onto me
my skin
my hurt
ME
*******

I'm my own being and this isn't yours
I'm the darkness in my head, and the sunshine in the day
I know because the clouds never reach my hands
only ever brushing my thoughts and leaving them cold
I'm my own worst enemy, and my only best friend
Confidant and abuser, I know how to keep myself awake
Nocturnal and alive- you made me love the night
and the darkness to cover up the secrets
Now I'm living in MY day, MY life
dancing in the sunshine, letting the world know
let them see your ugly secrets

I know me more than you ever will
I'm the lock on my door and you aren't invited
I'm the key to my heart and I know how I work
You won't pick this lock again,
I'm saving my love and life for something else
not to be chained to somebody like you
I'm connecting now to people who know me
and allow me to work through myself before they push themselves in
Unlike you- who tore into my life with such a vengeance that it  broke my ability to trust all together
Until I met people who helped mend me, without even knowing it
Who smile and laugh with me
They seem to like me for me, and appear
to genuinely want me to be better tomorrow
Friends who believe that I can shine instead of stamping me to ashes

It's like clockwork in my head now, and I know how this will end
a crazy messy kind of order that you will never understand
I'm the noose around my neck,
but I know how to untie
the pretty bow you keep me trapped with
I'm my own cartographer, creating my mountains and climbing them
I'm mine
and you claim to be my creator but those are only words
I am a child of this Earth, and a mind of my own
designed by the elements and a God more powerful than your blows
given to you, entrusted to you
to take care of, not kick down  
I'M MINE
not yours to play with
I won't be your punch bag, *** toy, secret or
******* victim anymore
I'm me,
My thoughts are mine to treasure
my body is mine to nurture
and maybe I don't know
'who I am' yet
I just know that I am definitely
not yours.