I feel like you're suffocating me
Your superficial beauty overwhelming the persona of "me"
Unable to stand your sparkling atmosphere
I recede, hide away, disappear
Can't handle these disco ball tears?
Why did you even bother anyway?
I'm not like the other shining ones you surround yourself with
I don't know how to be a queen, don't know how to live in bliss
I was born for blood and tears,
and quiet afternoons in waning sunlight
For peace and quiet,
or raging, self-inflicted destruction
Not this life of luxe and good, clean, fun
I'm either 100 times more boring
Or 100 times worse than your wildest sins
You can't handle me
You don't really want me
And sometimes I think I want you
Because I want your highlight reel
You in a three-piece suit
Your glittering photography
The person you show everyone else
That's who I want
Not this boy who hides behind cameras and closed doors with me
Not this boy who slowly chokes me with his golden thread
Not this boy who weaves a cotton candy life for the flash photography
Not this boy who truly leads a life of burnt sugar laced with lust
Not this boy who plays me like a marionette
Not this beautiful, destructive, terrible boy
Not you.