Had a dream about her

apartment

“We’re taking back what’s ours”

A bunch of people gather for a sporting event in the frigid snowy weather, nameless white ones

Mom and brother leave me
and a mountain of snow next to the door I must squeeze past
My umbrella I’m carrying lifts me off the ground slightly
My leg is badly grazed by the hard ice
somehow even putting a hole through my denim jeans.

I wake up and sob and weep for Jolly Ranchers in a dish, red couches with plastic coverings, onesies with foot coverings, gigantic coloring pages, the pink toy piano and the box tv in my room…

and how someone nameless probably now lives where that woman called home. Someone who’s worthless to me.

But I wonder if this is her way of making sure she stays in my mind

as if she’s manipulating me from heaven

And it’s okay, Grandma, the rent in my head’s in your munchkin’s name.