Remember feelings?
Pepperidge Farm does.
They come freeze-dried now, vacuum-sealed in foil pouches
next to the artisan trauma granola.

We bake nostalgia with just a hint of forgetting—
that slow-burn ache of something
you used to love
but now only recognize in store-brand silhouettes.

We’ve replaced your childhood with a taste-tested replica.
Now with 37% more curated grief
and zero actual memory.

Try our new flavors:

Artificial Longing

Ghosted Vanilla

Gluten-Free Identity Crisis

Every bite crumbles like your last attempt at intimacy.
But at least it’s shelf-stable.

Pepperidge Farm remembers.
You don’t have to.
We took care of that.

Just eat.
Smile for the camera.

And forget where you left your name.