I am planning for a future that doesn't yet exist
I have calculated salaries I don't have
morgages for homes I don't own
hospital bills I don't yet need
I'm not sure if I have ever existed in the moment
At least,
Not this moment and not the next
I wish I could stay in my bed all day
A small patter of rain, a moment of peace, without boredom
I fail, of course,
I always seem to continue with my other plan
I keep my head down low
I keep myself shrunk into a sliver, barely a slice of a shadow
And I wonder why I'm not happy
And I wonder why nothing ever happens
And I wonder why I feel guilty all the time