I am an impulsive thought.
An unsafe thrill seeking.
Psychosis.
Where I stack the odds against me.
And,
Do the dumbest ****.
You'll ever see.

And I am comforted.
By the intensity of the fear.
The rush of embarrassment.
The guilt of regret.
Terror and absolution through.
What the **** did you just do Nolan?

I kicked the hornets nest.
I always do.

For you it's a travesty.
But for me.

At least I feel something.
Intensely.

Even though the morality.
Of living dangerously.
Flying from the seat of your pants.
Is tenuous.

Maybe you wanna be content.
Happy.
Chill.
Relaxed and responsible.

But me.
I want the electric feeling.
That everything.
Is falling apart.
As the panic sets in.

I like to play with fires.
Too big for something so small.

Like me.

Another test to pass.
More odds to manipulate.
From here to complete.
Certainty.
Of excess for its own sake.

Without hard headed obstinance.
How else do I transcend regret.
Shame.
Embarrassment.
If I don\t seek it out.

With my personal vendetta.
Against existence.
I will be the snake in the grass.
An undefined variable.

Unpredictable.