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i wonder if its all worth it in the end i have this fear of finishing things of things coming to a close i hate the feeling of reaching the ending and having to put it down to move on to the next thing the next thing, i always wonder what it would be how can it fill the void of what has already concluded? how can anything be better? im better off leaving things undone and i do every painting only a few short strokes left from completion every show an episode or two until the credits roll every meal a bite away from clearing my plate it all overwhelms me i keep running and running until i see the finish line but then i always take a detour and then another and another until im running around in circles like a dog chasing its tail i know the end will come and i know things have to end and i know that things never last forever and i know that i cant just continue tracing my footsteps over and over and over again i wish i could skip to the good part or have someone spoil the ending for me so i can live in peace and quiet in groundhog day sleeping, dreaming of the next day the next day and the next and the next in tireless repetition the next day becomes the next month then months then year and years and years go by the white hairs on my mother's head grow plenty and i can count the crows feet by my father's eyes it terrifies me cant i be fifteen forever? forever a child reliving the same euphoria of a routine over and over again play the tapes play them backwards reverse fast forward reverse and pause and repeat rinse and repeat rinse and repeat rinse and repeat.

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Written by

lunartales

22 / F / on the moon

For You?

Written by

lunartales

22 / F / on the moon

Published

Apr 15, 2025

Time

Notes: haven't written in a while on this site, since life got in the way
so many things are changing all around me and i cant help but feel paralysed with all the things i should and need to do
i guess its all just a part of growing up lol

i made this account and started posting on this site when i was 15, naive and always caught up in daydreams with too much free-time on my hands
it was fun and i enjoyed every bit of it, but now that im older it feels harder and harder to write -- things feel more bleak and the haze of pink that clouded my vision has since dissolved
its hard to get up in the mornings, its hard to fall asleep at night

still i try, try, try
i think thats enough - at the very least, for now.

whoever is reading this, thank you for sticking around :)
i hope to write more for this site again <3
Tags: #overwhelmed #change #fear #ending

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