i wonder if its all worth it in the end

i have this fear of finishing things
of things coming to a close
i hate the feeling of reaching the ending
and having to put it down
to move on to the next thing

the next thing,
i always wonder what it would be
how can it fill the void of what has already concluded?
how can anything be better?

im better off leaving things undone
and i do
every painting only a few short strokes
left from completion
every show an episode or two until the credits roll
every meal a bite away from clearing my plate

it all overwhelms me

i keep running and running until i see the finish line
but then i always take a detour
and then another
and another
until im running around in circles like a dog chasing its tail

i know the end will come
and i know things have to end
and i know that things never last forever
and i know that i cant just continue tracing my footsteps
over and over and over again

i wish i could skip to the good part
or have someone spoil the ending for me
so i can live in peace and quiet in groundhog day
sleeping, dreaming of the next day

the next day
and the next
and the next
in tireless
repetition

the next day becomes
the next month
then months
then year
and years
and years go by
the white hairs on my mother's head grow plenty
and i can count the crows feet by my father's eyes
it terrifies me
cant i be fifteen forever?
forever a child
reliving the same euphoria of a routine
over and over again

play the tapes
play them backwards
reverse fast forward reverse and pause and repeat
rinse and repeat
rinse and repeat
rinse and repeat.