I dash to my throne
Like a mad monarch
My feet land on my bathmat
Like an astronaut on the moon

I SLAM! the door behind me
To encumber myself in my privacy
My pants dissolve into a world of unknowns
I seat myself, ready for the inevitable rush

Here it comes,
The liquid gold
I'm filled with relief
But then, I feel it.

The ****!
The dark, dastardly dung!
The big brown beast!
It rushes out with the force of 100 tsunamis.

My mood, previously joyous,
Has been thoroughly and entirely
*Soiled.