We walk through life feeling alone,
we walk longing for a deep connection.
We want to relate from a different place,
we don't want from superficiality,
we don't want from armor.
We long to be authentic,
we long to show our vulnerabilities,
we long for others to dare to show theirs,
we long to build something meaningful,
we long for a connection that transcends who we are.
Sometimes I feel like I need someone to constantly tell me they love me, as if I'm looking outside for the love I'm unable to give myself.
Maybe I'm hoping someone will value me,
maybe I can't see it,
maybe I will see it,
could it be that everything I'm looking for?
could it be that it's within me?
what if my fears are preventing me?
Maybe it's me who's not allowing it?
Maybe I'm afraid I'm not enough?
Maybe I feel undeserving?
What if, by showing myself as I truly am, you decide you don't love me anymore and take another path?
And if that happens, will I be able to handle all the emotions that will course through me? Will I be strong enough to face whatever may come?
I feel like I'm the one who sets boundaries.
I think about setting them for others.
I don't do it for fear of confrontation.
I don't want to live in a constant battle,
not be on the lookout for who crosses my boundaries.
However, when they are crossed, the fear of being alone reappears.
If I don't connect,
I don't risk losing anything.
Even though it doesn't build anything.
Even though I don't have it in myself.
Is it a lack of trust in myself?
Or is it that I don't trust you?
Afraid you'll hurt me?
Afraid you won't value me like others do?
Did I know they were giving me?
I never knew how much I was giving,
nor how much I was really receiving in return
for something as valuable as my being.
I'm afraid of criticism,
even though I'm the one who criticizes myself the most.
He punishes me for every step I take,
focusing only on the bad.
No matter what I achieve,
I always find the negative.
Could it be that I want to be something I've never been?