I ask the same questions
that there are no answers for, yet.
over and over
probably two or three
times a week.
It makes my partner frustrated.
He says, " when I have answers I will give you
then you can make your plans."

I go quiet
as manic tornados
swirl, tearing down
tall buildings
in my mind.

I need reassurance.
All the time!
tell me things you like about me?
say five nice things!
Four times
a week.
He brought this up
in group therapy
and everyone
unanimously
agreed,
It's ridiculous for someone to ask such things from someone.
                   I don't like
                   my personal life
                   being a topic
                   with people I don't know.
                    yeah, I care what (some) strangers
                   think about me.
                   He hangs out
                   and talks to them
                   outside of therapy.  
                    they can feed him reasons
                    to leave me.
                    My secrets
                     have been passed
                     from palm to palm
                     like a drug deal.
                     Done in broad daylight.
                     Slipping a fifty for
                     a gram bag.
                     paranoia, I know.
                     So yeah,
                     that made me insecure.

This topic was brought up
in a passionate
disagreement.
Between my partner and I.
                   Coming to the conclusion
                              I'd stop.
            I hate to be the cause of frustration
            to the person I'm in love with.
            So obviously I stopped asking that.

Both these things and more
make me feel misunderstood.

That my reasoning for this
                                           and that.

I don't lick the red
sauce off a finished plate
of spaghetti.
I'm not greedy
you see.
Just trying to walk with
an umbrella
through the hail storm.

                                    This noggin of mine
                                    roars.
                                   Out of loneliness
                                   from months of no sun.
                                   I'm Alaska at times
                                   six months of darkness
                                  and six months of sun.

          no in-between.

I softly ask,
"What else is there,
that I do
which upsets you?"
I
can
change-
for the right reasons.
He hesitates,
saying he didn't
want me to stop
that
those
things
make me
who
I am.
But the
prescriptions
try and
help me to
           stop.
Therapy also
aids in this as well.
       So why not just tell me,
anything else?
He gives me a couple of
things I do:
"How I take personal jabs at him."
                      I wonder back to
                      when did I
                      how could I
                      do such things..
                      and realized I'm the culprit
                      it springs out
                      from unresolved
                      hurt.

To be honest,
isn't that why
we all
do things
at times?
That's why
I spin
and spin
barefoot.
Taking a drag
and a jab
why
my thoughts
can be
a noose
or
a crown.

Let's see
what survives me
after all the storms