dont be so certain with me
you are always free to change
today a thirty year old said 20 till now
was too short
where did it all go i asked
the good times never seem to last
she said stretching the truth, my age, and my suit
i laughed and we had nothing more to talk about
she was stuck
not her life, no it was she
blocked behind the past that was playing before her mind

i wished i could be there
kiss her for the first time
when it wouldn't have been a matter of age
thanked her for the first random act of kindness she embarked on
held her during her first harsh break up
i couldn't
so i walked away
saying a common courtesy over my shoulder

its always the summer
where i chose to spend my time

its always the summer
in the darkest ***** of the winter

----------------
ads flood in like balloons
release with fireworks above
my chinese isn't that good
i just need to eat
wheres your nearest hostel
preferably one next to a mcdonalds
no excuse for comfort food?
right this way!, my profit

paralyzed
synchronized ceilings
thought it was my mothers
no mine
my room
my memories
touching
touching you
inside
its not as warm
as the Dead give away
im fading
dancing above this bed
collection of the
fading

i drew you once
blood we used to be friends
what happened
blood you were almost inside of me
what happened
blood music drifting in the windows
what windows
this room is windowless
when in doubt

comfort in voices hidden in my mind
i used to love you
ya you knew that
before you died
what happened
blood didn't need to be so cold

happenstance
ill ******* **** you
happenstance you cunning fool
happenstance, is my worst enemy folks
are you ready for the execution?

awake again. i can't remember
did i sleep
is this real
is there a light on
is that a tv

heart rate
skips

-----------------
here the sound of music drifting down the halls
the sound of prozac aloe vera the sound of smell
drifting all the same

man next to me can't tell his laughs from fears
tears separate the faint from the lack of faith
in front of his family of three  , jump in front of a moving train

no one is going down here no one is going up
this is the sound of everything you never wanted to hear
waiting for the day they let you feel

soul gaze and scream more
sending faint taps of morse code
my neighbors one of the wonders of the world


plumper , and no one cares
quieter , and no one can tell
no one care , no one can tell

-------
one of my favorite numbers
for who, i can't tell
but it means something
for when will they agree?

man fighting in the form of words
how stupid is he, to fight with spells
witchcraft the checkmate, one step bellow divinity?
without the divine, sorcery snaps the spine

here i am, with my horns showing again
they step around me on the streets,
when they used to rub against me
did they rub off?
my uncle used to file them down to less than stubs
400 bucks
no one will tell

here i am , yelling at you again
you said i was going to burn
thats a compliment
Dantes first levels freeze the weak

-----------

eagerly meak
give me a more simple smile please
let me know youre human

equally bleak
your words scattered across this page
lets get you out of your clothes

gravity takes over
so
you are with child i heard
does that mean we dont need timing
my stomach no longer turns
thinking of the pulling burn
pulling and pulling till it hurt

sometimes i want him back
we gave away such a fighter
how many times did we drink him away?
how many eyelids did we keep awake

i swear the whole apartment knew of our lust.

-------------------

crying me a river

no thanks
or apologies

-------------------

the bathrooms here smell like a hotel
did we mistake them for cleanliness?
latino hands and the beds tight as guillotines

side tracked minute of phone called wasted
are they still listening
sorry for the last time
what was it that i called you?
oh yeah-- the past

morose only word i know
for this - this woah that is - is me

stumble while kissing you
like i do when i lie the lie
that is
i love you

-----------------------
remember that night before our lips met?
sorry i mean the one in the cemetery
the night you lost your strength
was that all an act? you know
the self esteem?
no , not the way i kissed you
that was real
i mean the way that you really feel
about yourself , on this serpents wheel

send me away
please
stamps
boxes
peanuts
everything
send me away
iwannastiIIIive

------------------------

they say my phone privileges are switched with an extra shrink

eat me
drink me

--------------------

the last telegraph was explanation enough
I'm writing you again
sorry i haven't learned french

i dont know any of these instruments playing anymore
but i think they kinda sound like you
thanks so much for listening along
to the symphonies i make in my head


what would we do with each other he asked me



i answered by cutting him out of  my life







---------------------------

6 years later

--- the liar


-----------------------



i decided to stop telling the truth
and it worked
they let me out and off the meds
the good times never seem to last

they let me step off of the stage
easier than it was to get played
i tried the capsule and i tried the tablet
but i found the best thing was lighting money up
in smoke
the rain keeps reminding me of the times you would come
in the rain, i would feel closer to you again
when in the rain, i remember your funeral
and before that when i told you off
i never think of the space in-between
of when you could of thought of me

did you, dont answer
dont do anything but hug me