Last time I crashed and burned
The first time I knew it was earned
I was baptized in a revelation
Introspective initiation
Projecting upon what was once pure
Unconscious transmutation
To pure ingratiation
Innoculation sounds absurd
Alchemical agent

Because I was so wrong
Have been for so long

Left everything in tatters
At least everything that matters

I no longer wish to be right
I've fallen in with another tribe
I'm stronger and wiser and kinder than I ever thought I was
Having thwarted your attempt to raze my hard-won self-worth

This is me not accepting your apology
This is the benefit of the doubt, given freely
Admitting I'd likely have done the same if it were me
Pigeonholed as the villain, wrested back your agency

But it cost me
It crushed me
Pulverized me
I still bleed
Given exactly what I never knew I need

To keep me humble
Remind me of my stupidity
Prone to romance as I am
I somehow thought that some portion of this would be easy

Final ribbon of naive rhetoric dissipates
Doesn't take a prophet to know what comes next
The regret, the lament, the intent
To do it better given one more chance

Tell me if you even know
Would you wish your fate upon another
Take a second to reflect
Is your life more regrettable than your brother

Are the fruits of your *****
Worth grinding your hands to the bone
Knowing that your toil is unseen
Your sacrifice will never be known

Now we strike to the heart of it
I can't seem to give a straight answer
Hypothetically, figuratively
Passive-aggressively
The way that I swore I wouldn't be
Avoiding the subject so studiously

So here's the skinny
Let's get down to the nitty gritty
I couldn't stop loving you if I tried
And I try just that every night
Transmute this guilt into pride
Lamentation to exulation
insecurity to honesty
Eros into agape
One moment's objective view
I'm indistinguishable from you

One day I'll walk away
Without another word
I'm sure right now it seems absurd

My eyes will be miles away
For once nothing to say
Buckling 'neath the karma I have earned