To lie down in the clear blue sea Staring at the vastness of the ocean Supported by the water as it moves me along the current Soaking in the sun and hearing the wind clash with the water Opposing forces that are keeping me adrift
I close my eyes And remember our time together, which never would have felt like enough And for a moment I forget where I am And in that instant, the water swallows me whole I collapse into it as it floods me with betrayal
And I start to feel angry This doesn’t feel like freedom, this feels like a trap So I don’t let go I drown that pit of anxiety in my stomach Surging through my bones, my heart, and my eyes, Awakening me just as the time shifts And as I see the glimmer of light outside my window I am reminded
You exist still — within me It is your unconditionality that can heal me, even if only temporarily And as I stare out at the ocean I will think of you— As you always did of me— The only one who listened to my desires