i love older boys who teach me how to blow
smoke rings in the parking lot
of strip malls.

i love pink clothes and skirts
that hide the lines of my lace
underthings.

i love getting in a car
with someone many inches taller than me
who won't tell me where we're going.

i love cigarettes
and lighters
and their not-so-secret love affair.

i love looking down into the sky
and waiting for gravity to end
so i can fall.

i love playing mind games
with people who are "in love" with me
as sick as it may be.

i love taking teensy pills
that make me feel
tall, tall, tall.

i love being scared
that the manager will find out
that i stole a hundred dollar necklace.

i love all of these things.
but not me.