Why do I do it? Why do I stay? Why do I always push my loved ones away? Why does my mind always play games? Why does my mind work this way? Crying during the night because I was mean in the day I will never be normal I'll never be sane I'll never stop pushing them away I'll never stop these tears that highlight my pain All this pain that I gained All this pain that I earned All this pain I deserve I **** at being nice I **** at being with people all the time Sometimes I just want to be alone And yet that's always wrong Everything I do feels wrong I can't be good to myself or others And it makes me think Why the hell do I stay? Why do I get up every morning? Why do I cry every night? Why can't my life ever just be a constant shining light? I'm no good to people they're better when I'm not around But I can't bring myself to do it I don't want to wake up in the mornings or cry at the nights But I don't want to miss the days where I smile and everything is fine I don't want to miss the days where I'm truly happy And yet sometimes they're so far away that I don't know why I stay In a life so dark and gloomy with occasional sun, why do I stay? When no one is helping me push away the pain I want it to end I want my mind to stop I don't understand why I'm not enough I don't understand why I'm so broken I don't understand why my mind is out to get me I don't understand why I stay? Why do I do this to myself everyday? Maybe some part of me enjoys the pain Maybe I ask for it I'm a terrible person Or maybe I'm not It's not clear My mind is telling me one thing and my heart tells me another I'm confused I hate this weather Why do I stick out all the days in the rain just to have one perfect day? That's just my life I guess In one big lump sum The pathetic loser just trying to be someone Maybe I stick around because even when at my lowest there's still a glimmer of hope Something telling me to keep going That one day it won't hurt some much That one day I'll be okay That the future I pray upon will come true one day Until then I guess I just hold on tightly to this life I have Try to be better to the people who stay Try to push the darkness away Try my hardest to just be great Maybe that's why I stay