I look at you with love I also look at you with sadness so long I have hid this pain and now you wish you could take it away wasn't it you who said you didn't understand it? you told me I couldn't possibly feel this way I hid this pain because I knew your reaction you didn't come to until someone else explained it to you I tried to explain but you shut me out and now you don't trust me when I've done nothing to betray that trust you tell me your scared I'll run off since I was a child I dreamed of running away my house was never a home yes I was loved but I was alone I felt like a guest in the family and that of which I can't explain but when you hide your pain you hide yourself it makes it feel like no one really knows you that's how I felt like a stranger in my home because no one knew me and no one saw I was alone you never knew I was struggling because you never learned the signs you took me being silent as an attitude of mine I lost in my thoughts I was feeling alone I was depressed and my house did feel like a home I wanted to run away to a place I could cry openly I cried alone hoping no one would hear me no you are not a villain for you did not see you had other things important and you thought I was fine you fed me you clothed me you kept me alive I'm sorry to tell you I was dying inside I was crying out for help in my silence I was counting the days in my head I was eight years old wishing I was dead I had no friends family felt so close yet distant I didn't understand it I didn't understand my mind I never understood why why was it me who had these thoughts? why was it me who was alone? I became strong for you I knew it was what you needed I grew up too fast so I wouldn't be a problem I was mature for my age your're welcome I sacrificed my childhood to make sure I wouldn't be a problem child I know you never asked me but I did anyway I couldn't stand to see you look at me that way with so much pain with so much anger it all caught up to me either way I saw the look that I had been dreading I still see it in my eyes you don't see me the same your eyes are filled with pain they're filled with worry always wondering if I'll stay I promise you I'm right here I'm not going anywhere sometimes I still wish I could run away but I still love you at the end of the day you are my mother you are my light you kept me alive in more ways than one though you might not know I've been fighting for you this whole time just so I wouldn't make you cry I stayed strong I grew up fast just so you could see me the next day just so I wouldn't see your pain no you didn't ask me but it was implied all those times you looked annoyed at their cries I didn't want to be the reason for that annoyed look in your eyes you say killing yourself is selfish so I held on tight so at my funeral there wouldn't be rage in your eyes I held on to this life so you wouldn't attend my funeral so you wouldn't cry so I wouldn't be the reason for the pain in your eyes so I wouldn't be the reason you would cry yourself to sleep at night you say you're a bad mother and that's just not right you just got a selfless daughter who didn't want to see you cry one that held it all in for you became strong for you grew up too fast for you this isn't your fault you're not to blame don't worry about me for I've been fighting this for awhile I know how to get over this it takes some time though you wouldn't know I kept that from you I'm sorry that I have I'm sorry I grew up way too fast I'm sorry I became strong and shut you out I'm sorry for the bad words that have left my mouth I love you so much mom for I have fought this for you I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep this from you I'm sorry you found out that I'm not perfect I'm sorry you had to see me hurting I'm sorry I never understood where you were coming from neither one of us is better than the other but you are such a good mother I wish communication with us was better maybe one day I'll open up maybe one day we can both trust maybe one day we'll be better but right now we're stuck in this endless weather this endless storm is tearing us apart I could stop it but I don't have the courage to talk to your face dear mom I'm sorry I hope you can forgive me in someway