Birthdays are the very definition of depression
I love and I hate
I'm older
I made it
Another year I didn't die
But another year I had to survive
Another year that I went through pain
And so many more years I have to face
I want to cry and turn away
But everyone wants to celebrate
I rejoice in their effort
I cry because they love me
I can't leave
I try to stay
Another year I fought hard for my life
Another year I questioned what's in my head
Another year I broke down more times than I can count
Another year I survived and don't know how
Yes I'm happy I made it this far
But I'm scared of the next part
I dream of real happiness
I hope this gets better
But all I see is more struggle
More pain
More crying
More breakdowns
Fighting to breathe
Fighting to live
Fighting the will to die
I made it this far
But not far enough
Too much time left
Too much time to live
To experience happiness
Pain
Love
Hate
Failure
Success
A future so uncertain
I feel the pain of it already
I brace myself
I calm myself
Another year and I'm older
Another year and I'm more healed but feel so broken
It'll be okay
I can fight this mind for another year
For my whole life
Here we go again
This emotional rollercoaster
That's all this we ever be
That's all life is
The ups and downs
The joy and sadness
And oh so much pain
But I'm not alone
So I'll celebrate that I made it this far
And I'll celebrate that I gave them my heart
And I'll celebrate that this is only the beginning of my long journey ahead