Birthdays are the very definition of depression I love and I hate I'm older I made it Another year I didn't die But another year I had to survive Another year that I went through pain And so many more years I have to face I want to cry and turn away But everyone wants to celebrate I rejoice in their effort I cry because they love me I can't leave I try to stay Another year I fought hard for my life Another year I questioned what's in my head Another year I broke down more times than I can count Another year I survived and don't know how Yes I'm happy I made it this far But I'm scared of the next part I dream of real happiness I hope this gets better But all I see is more struggle More pain More crying More breakdowns Fighting to breathe Fighting to live Fighting the will to die I made it this far But not far enough Too much time left Too much time to live To experience happiness Pain Love Hate Failure Success A future so uncertain I feel the pain of it already I brace myself I calm myself Another year and I'm older Another year and I'm more healed but feel so broken It'll be okay I can fight this mind for another year For my whole life Here we go again This emotional rollercoaster That's all this we ever be That's all life is The ups and downs The joy and sadness And oh so much pain But I'm not alone So I'll celebrate that I made it this far And I'll celebrate that I gave them my heart And I'll celebrate that this is only the beginning of my long journey ahead