The girl i love is perfect

Bright eyed
Kinda shy
Always kind
I was 11 at the time
Afraid out of my mind
I literally felt like I was high

We played truth or dare
I never understood truth or dare
Truth: are you hyper aware
Did butterflies in your stomach pop out of thin air
I'm scared
Dare
Kiss me
I only 11, you see
But please
I wonder what would mean
How would it seem
If we became a thing

Fast forward 2 years
I am among high school peers
And you have yet to disappear
Still shy
Still kind
Now mine
Yet your eyes are not as bright
Being with you is a constant fight
In hindsight
I should have recognized the signs
Isn't it my job to read between the lines
Try to minimize the hard times
I tried

The girl i love is broken

Scars buried deep in the wrists
I kiss
Have you changed
Or did i just dismiss this
Distracted by the pure bliss
That comes with you

You are still kind
But no longer shy
Just numb
Totally succumb
To your own gloomy slum
I have become
Your drug

The girl i love is an addict

People are your drug
And you build a tolerance quickly
Once you begin to feel something
You leave
I have learned to cherish the inbetween

In between
The hi And bye
You lie constantly
Obsessively
Like you can't get enough of me
But i know you know
The truth
I mean nothing to you

The girl i love is dead

Her kindness
Shyness
Bright eyed
Perfect little mess
Reduced to a pile of letters sitting on my desk

Long gone are the christmas movies
In early november
Do you even remember
Cuddled up In my clothes
Do you even know
What it meant to me

You were my world

I fell in love with a girl who fell in love with her depression
I fell in love with a girl who no longer exists

Now I float aimlessly
Through time and space
Hoping to tether onto something
Knowing nothing will ever compare