I hated being alone more than a day, but I often found myself hiding away, because I needed to be alone.

when you feel the need to be close because everyone you love seems to drift away.

So, I would chase them like it was a race to keep them close.

I thought I needed their presence to feel safe, but the chase for their heart costed me.

Those abandonment issues were unhealthy attachments to never face my trauma, until I came face to face with my demons.

I was chasing comfort in the people who left me, I abandoned myself.

There Are there doors in my mind Some closed and locked with secrets to hide, Some wide open like a book-begging to be held by anyone's hands, my head sometimes feel on fire,With all those memories that burn (the good and the bad)? Nos-talgia can do that to you. Heartbreak too. I sometimes wish I could be someone new, And dump all the keys to all my doors somewhere where nobody has been before, And nobody could find them,Then maybe I wouldn't feel so lost. But I can't just put my  life on pause. It doesn't work that way. I just have to trudge on day by day and pretend I know which direction my feet are taking me and where my mind is at.