i lost it

there was a thread here once
i had it
just here
between the tips of my fingers

i lost it though

cursed, i tell ya.
they say about me, in some circles

eyes hidden under indistinctly specific
iconography of ships past their prime
grumbled under half gagged swallows
of whatever passed for palatable ***** past
those
discerning lips
or, perhaps, poorly applied mascara
downturned eyes, downtrodden
but their feet?
find purchase on my back
when you look like this
what else are you for?

and sure, about the curse thing
they were half right
which is a stupid turn of phrase
isn't it?
half right is just

******* wrong
rights aren't piece-meal thoughts
they were, in fact, wrong
But

somehow right enough.
black eyes put a dark period on that
(do you even know my name?)
the universe is a strange place
what can i say?

but we digress


cursed was the vibe tho
an idea carried through
some three or so decades
to now

our dying father fishing
for breath in the dusty light of morning
the sun, weimar conductor that it is,
demanding awareness for the passage of time
“are you still not ready for the day in there? tsk tsk”
he’s thinking it

probably. and that’s not all
because of-*******-course would we
get sick the day we get back
bb death riding shotgun
the very help we brought
to show appreciation
to the rock
that kept us from sinking
eons ago
now a threat to his life
cursed, i tell ya

or stupid. leave that for another day
but today, we flit to and fro
pathos ponging pitifully
a small white pixel
but capable, of self criticism
of despair
bound uselessly
in cognitive dissonance
intensely considerate
ironically exposed
through gentle spritz of lysol
and heavy sighs
each wrenching open the wound anew

and we knew curses too
don't get me wrong
this is no fresh hell
we know but do we learn?
now that’s a good question

for someone to ask
someday
when we are ash, i hope
for now, we wait
breath bated
afraid to take too much of the air left

how much is left, I wonder
we think on that
for a while

we wait
for nothing
for meaning
while he fades

i had a point once
something sharp and poignant
but it’s gone now
i lost it
we lost it

that thread cast out
cascading across my
fingertips
we lost it
away it went
a taut twang as it did
and, yeah, we all lose
all the threads
will slip
this is true
yet
no one tells you
once released
it is
not lost
just






gone