my hands were trembling, tears rushing down my face as i reached for a pen
i was leaving in the morning, i had to write my feelings before then
when people **** themselves they leave letters of beautiful words that they wrote
so i guess you could consider this very poem to be my suicide note

now mom please don't cry, and don't take the blame
it's not your fault that i was in so much pain
and hey grandma, listen, despite all my hate,
i promise that you're not the cause of my terrible fate
and brother, i love you, you were always so sweet
i hope you have a daughter to treat the way you treated me
michelle and kaylynne, you've always been there
you were more than my cousins, you always showed me you cared
and marissa, my dear, you were there 'til the end
you showed me the very meaning of being a friend
sweet little marie, please don't you dare cry
and can you promise me that you'll never do this, you'll never try?
and heather, i know you've been through this before
i'm sorry i couldn't show you how much you were adored
and ellie, my sweet, you helped my heart to heal
but i have to leave you, there's just too much i can't feel
oh god, my qynn, this one is the worst
what we had was magic, but i guess i was cursed
and alex, man, you'd better take care of our girl
please try to show her how much more there is to this world

writing this poem made me feel that maybe i didn't want to die
but it was too late, i'd made my decision, i'd made up my mind
this was never just about me, no, it's so much bigger
my whole body was shaking, as i reached for the trigger
and sure part of me still wanted to live
but i was tired and spent and had nothing left to give
my mind was made up, life just kept getting harder and harder
at least this way, i could die like a martyr
thought i couldn't make it, i hope th rest of you do
i hope you that i'm sorry, i hope you know i love you

i slammed down the notebook, i wiped away my tears
then it was time to face all my fears
i wrote down my "sorry"'s and decided to die
then i lifted the gun and let it kiss me goodbye