Feb 22
with every step i took, i felt lighter and happier. well, that was until i saw him.
someone i never thought i’d see again. not when he walked past me as if i didn’t exist. not since the day he walked out on us just because of father.
i can understand that people get busy, that life pulls them under, that it becomes too much to reach out. but what i can’t understand is how it’s been years.
years since he came by, years since he even tried. and it’s not like he can’t.
there’s nothing stopping him. i know he has my number, my brother’s too, anyone’s really. but for ****’s sake, what good is a number if you never use it.
i remember three years ago, when you came by after your episodes had stretched too long, after we’d dragged you back. father, to be exact.
it was a special day, but somehow, i forgave you. once again, i became soft, became willing to believe, willing to let you in like i always did. forgiving you for your mistakes right and left, not questioning anything, just happy you were here, at the moment, with us, with me.
but those moments never last.
it’s been three years since you came, since you bothered to talk to us. it’s as if we aren’t even blood anymore.
there are some things you can change, but blood isn’t one of them.
i remember your exact words. how you said, aren’t you mad at me. and i ask, what for. and you responded with, because i haven’t been around. for a while now. and without hesitation, i said no.
and it was true.
at that moment, i hadn’t thought about it, because my problems with you seemed to disappear when you were here. i liked that.
but what i didn’t like was how you just brushed it off, saw it as your chance to make the same mistake again, but this time, let it last longer.
when you walked past me, as if we hadn’t shared memories worth more than anything ever would, i felt myself break. once again, i was the little girl in the backseat, forgotten in the car, under the burning sun.
forgotten like always.
did i do this. am i that easy to forget. it doesn’t make sense.
if someone with fading memory, someone close to me, as close as you used to be, can remember me and come to check once in a while, how come you can’t.
someone i never thought i’d see again. not when he walked past me as if i didn’t exist. not since the day he walked out on us just because of father.
i can understand that people get busy, that life pulls them under, that it becomes too much to reach out. but what i can’t understand is how it’s been years.
years since he came by, years since he even tried. and it’s not like he can’t.
there’s nothing stopping him. i know he has my number, my brother’s too, anyone’s really. but for ****’s sake, what good is a number if you never use it.
i remember three years ago, when you came by after your episodes had stretched too long, after we’d dragged you back. father, to be exact.
it was a special day, but somehow, i forgave you. once again, i became soft, became willing to believe, willing to let you in like i always did. forgiving you for your mistakes right and left, not questioning anything, just happy you were here, at the moment, with us, with me.
but those moments never last.
it’s been three years since you came, since you bothered to talk to us. it’s as if we aren’t even blood anymore.
there are some things you can change, but blood isn’t one of them.
i remember your exact words. how you said, aren’t you mad at me. and i ask, what for. and you responded with, because i haven’t been around. for a while now. and without hesitation, i said no.
and it was true.
at that moment, i hadn’t thought about it, because my problems with you seemed to disappear when you were here. i liked that.
but what i didn’t like was how you just brushed it off, saw it as your chance to make the same mistake again, but this time, let it last longer.
when you walked past me, as if we hadn’t shared memories worth more than anything ever would, i felt myself break. once again, i was the little girl in the backseat, forgotten in the car, under the burning sun.
forgotten like always.
did i do this. am i that easy to forget. it doesn’t make sense.
if someone with fading memory, someone close to me, as close as you used to be, can remember me and come to check once in a while, how come you can’t.
