You’d think after 15 years I’d feel more than just anger

Instead I wake up each day waiting for it all to hit me

Waiting for the realization that I lost my best friend

But I think I lost her years ago

In the end I know it was my decision
My boundary being set
My feelings ignored

My anger keeps me company
Fearful that when it dissipates all that will be left in its place is regret


So each day I remind myself of why it came to this

Why I can’t be friends with someone who cannot take accountability without deflection and victim playing

Why I can’t be friends with someone who fights mean

Why I can’t be friends with someone who puts no effort into friendships but expects people to stick around

Why I can’t be friends with someone only through a phone

Why I can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t show up for me when it really counts

I think I knew this day would come for awhile
It doesn’t lessen the blow
Or erase the shared tattoo


But it does bring me some sort of peace