If I were God,
I'd go incognito on vacation to Lebanon ...
Or maybe in Tehran.
In the shape of a woman,
I’d go pull some beards and kick some holy *****,
Then reignite the flame
In Olympia.

I’d walk bare-chested through the streets of Riyadh,
Kabul, Atlanta, or Islamabad.

If I were God,
I’d dress Afghan women in Coco Chanel,
And the Taliban in Burkacharel.

If I were God,
I’d ring a few bells,
Hand out a few smacks,
And white condoms
In the Vatican halls.

But really, if I were God,
If I were God…
I’d command my uneasy followers
To embrace French-style secularism,
Then I’d go spend my vacation somewhere else.