(A lone voice whispers)

Like grey smoke slowly rising in London's old Southgate

Each morning as I slowly open my tired red eyes in here

Filled with dark thoughts and whispers of the past

I still think of places in Enfield

I used to visit

Or people who’ve died who I’ve lost in an unholy war

Good friends who have now entered God's gates

Now I'm forever 27

I always wake up with a body and soul inside that’s slowly crying

With tears that don’t dry on their own

Here in my own dark painful version of Heaven

Will you still love me
My old friends and lovers
Tomorrow

Even though you all once knew deep down inside

I was so addictive but really no good

Hey little rich girl
I once heard you say

But what is it about men who just like to play

When you still wake up all alone

Rich but still so poor in Camden

Wearing your deep depression like a familiar loved cherished

Old coat of darkened dreams

In tandem

Which still sing but silently screams

I now know there is no greater love
Than the Almighty

For to know him is to love him even more

My day will come though
Like me and Mrs Jones

Love is maybe a losing game

Where you pull in do me black heels and white pumps

Where your soul is love-drunk on cheap *****

From long lines of so tempting *******

I now watch in silence at all those subtle moments

As my life on this big screen in here

Flows

Forever tumbling like forgotten red and golden Autumn leaves

As I stand close to the front of this barrier in The Great In-Between

You may be all wondering if as a historic ghost

I still visit London or my beloved Enfield

My answer is always
Yes

For my reflection in gilded silver mirrors

I still see in passing posters or shop windows

As whispers of doubts slowly still

Swim on the molten surfaces of my mind

Seeking out all my hidden kingdoms

As me, they always stalk and follow

Looking for lost shores to walk and run upon and remain there

Haunting me forever

In some of my vintage old clothes

Especially through this half-time

When the black cockerel crows

And the Great Golden Horn blows

Some say I was always doomed

Just another ill-fated singer simply eating and drinking

New and old pharmaceutical and alcoholic treasures

Walking the long mirage filled ancient winding roads

Towards a certain death or salvation

But still a winding road to the very end

Filled and overflowing with such strands of darkness

That I thought foolishly were just there for my own intense pleasure

But through the blurred white lines

And the distorted visions
I speak this

My life’s story is simply a sad song for just you

For I truly believe my soul will soar again

In time
My inner faith will create a silver bridge

To leave this dark pathway to self-destruction

And instead, lead to my own spiritual resurrection

For I believe Jesus died on the cross for me

And all I can do to repay his sacred belief

His sacrifice

Is to conquer all my hidden demons

And share my inner dreams in these words I used to bury

So deeply hidden within me

Before I am called back
By he who always calls

To fade forever into the Black

Before I go
Can I ask a question of you

Swear on your body and soul in the middle of this dark night

Standing between all those you still love but also those

Who you know still might cheat

Does my memory still stand beside you, and we'll always be best friends

Right

For fame and love is such a losing game and I need you

To always remember my name

I was simply thrown under the Freedom Train as I couldn’t hold on any longer

Due to my everlasting mental pain

Remember me
My name is Amy

(C)
Copyright John Duffy