december 24th
the most awaited day of all my years
but now everything is so unhappy on that date
everything was gold
since when did christmas become so blue?
since when did birthdays stop being celebrated?
since when did happiness stop hanging over my home world?

yes, i left the christmas lights up until January
i saw the christmas tree on fire
i saw it on fire and pretended to be happy
while they kept their eyes closed i saw the fire
the heat was on my face and the fire reflected in my eyes
i'm not going to pretend to be happy because i've been doing it for a few years now
i'm not going to put a happy smile on my face
not tonight
i'm going to ignore the fact that i've seen the fire so close up so many times
there will be no clandestine happiness this time
i know that happiness is just as contagious as sadness
so now i won't pretend
this happiness is going to get me
they'll have to be happy to see me happy
there will be no more clandestine happiness

i do everything with great expectation
but they're never met
i don't get sad
i'm unhappy
and they judge me saying i'm an ingrate ******
they want to measure my feelings against other people
and expect me to understand and pretend to be happy
there will be no more clandestine happiness