I pray for love,
But still wait for the mirror to show me a face that feels real.
Easy for a word but too rigid for more than just a few.
A replacement for one you couldn't hold.

If I did not speak first would you see me?
If my voice was soaked and softened into silence,
Would you swim and search for me,
Would the room be different?

Love has only ever been a theory for me-
Never stepping too close or asking for more than what's given.
My fear is what if there was nothing more
If I reached out for nothing more than air.

I watch from afar, from a door they've forgotten to close.
Maybe if i stayed quiet i would've known.
Do they see me as i see myself in a mirror,
Wanting to believe I belong-that who I see staring back isn't me.
Someone who i can't refuse and have to be,
A name I've outgrown but won't leave.

I don't want to be me, not today, not tomorrow.
I stare at old photos with a pang of disgust,
A deep sorrow I can't name looking at someone who has never even been me.
Tangled in a web of doubt as if I came out they'd see me as I saw myself.

One day ill be able to find the words to say,
And hope they don't see me in the same way
I pray for love, waiting for the mirror to show me.