Sometimes you feel like the first day of my life
I look at your face,
And sometimes I can’t hear what you’re saying because I’m too busy watching you say it
I’m so used to being cradled,
So used to hands the size of my face brushing wet hair off my cheeks

I want to go dancing with my best friend
I want to speak, not so I can be perceived, but so that somebody I want to know me, hears me
I want to sit with the loves of my life,
With the love of my life,
And watch them seek friendship with the people who matter most to me because I matter to them
I watch you be brave and charming and clever and gentle
You’re so pretty, and you’re as sweet as the fresh strawberries that you’ve set as my backdrop
Please
let me want you

Can I tilt my head forwards?
If my jaw resists the pull of my fingers,
So I pull harder,
What I want doesn’t matter,
Because I know what I need.

But it’s so painful, Porcelain Doll
It’s so painful to have so much love for a boy with no safe place to put it
And it’s so painful to sit across from someone who tells me they see me,
To believe them completely,
And know that there’s somebody who already knows me so well,
That they said they couldn’t love me anymore because they love me too much
So still,
I try my best to pry open the eyes of someone who has made me feel like an invisible woman

I want a triple layered devils food cake
With buttercream roses, and my name piped in cursive icing
And I want to eat it, too.
But how very dare I leave you to do all the dishes
To light the candles, and gesture to everyone in the room that it’s time to hush
To watch you walk through the door, singing of your wishes for me to have the happiest birthday
Just so I can close my eyes and wish for somebody that I used to know?

For so many years
I’ve been so in love with a person that all I want to do is cry and cry
I really love you, little Doll
I love you so much I could cry even harder
I love feeling alive with I’m with you,
And safe when we’re apart,
And still knowing that I’m not just in love with a feeling.
I love the moments when we’re brave at the same time,
And when I wake up just moments before you and can’t help myself from pulling your soft, sleepy body closer to mine
I love when we’re in a dark and muggy club, and you spin around quickly just to look me in my eyes
When I pull your perfect face close to mine,
And press my forehead to yours just to laugh maniacally when nothing is particularly funny,
I know that the joy of that moment makes me feel so earnestly happy and alive because it’s with you

My brave Sagittarius
You’re a centaur with an honest to God foundation
A figure so sturdy and mystical that it only exists because someone knew how to dream it up
I’m just a little fish!
What good is a fish who can only swim up to shore, and gaze at the centaur as they close one eye,
Puff put their strong chest,
And have the courage to let the arrow release from their grip because they don’t care if it hits the target,
They just have to let it go.

I love you, my beautiful strong centaur
And I’m sorry that I’ve got useless gills,
And that the water around me always feels too heavy
And too cold
How I wish I could fast forward one hundred millions years
When I’ve grown legs that can carry me to where I belong
I’d stand up straight, and I’d sprint
I’d sprint so hard that I’d hit you when I land because I didn’t give myself enough time to stop