I have this imagine in my head
of how my life should be lived
where almost every action
every breath
every second
is filled with purpose
gratitude
and presence

But as I look back at
these piles of memories
as I read through my journals
I realise that time has passed
new memories have been made
and in many ways, I’ve grown
yet, I’m still stuck
stuck in this loop
of rebuilding and burning bridges

Just like that
time flew by
And somewhere along the way
I lost track
I’m terrified
so utterly afraid
that my future will meet the same fate

They say that until
a problem truly has been dealt with
it will return
with the same force
in different situations
but the same endings

Will I end up
creating another illusion of change?
Will this character of mine
always be flawed
haunted by what ifs,
Regrets?

Will I lose myself
once more
in this circle of repetition  

I tell myself
it’s time to let go,
It’s time to let go,
It’s time to let go.
Yet somehow, I never truly let go

Why is this time different?