THE SHAPE OF HER LONELINESS

she looked at herself
as if she were someone else
looking at herself

"I'm me & not me!"
she thought on her third whiskey
soon she was nobody

she stared intently
into nothing
Nothing stared back

song on the jukebox
colouring in
her sadness

the song her song
poured itself slowly
into the shape of her loneliness

she cried
without crying
great big invisible tears

she was playing at Life
as if it were a game
she didn't know the rules to

"Oh feet..!" she intoned drunkenly
". . .take me home!"
the street seemed to know the way

her female footfalls
echoing into
his male footsteps

she stood still
under a street light
"Beam me up!" she smiled

*

Under the influence of the drink and the song she took stock of her self and found herself incredibly lonely and that she didn't know her self and that somehow she had mislaid her life. Walking home with her husband she suddenly thought she wanted to do something with her life and that she wasn't happy. When they came to a street light she stood under it and with a whimiscal notion shouted out the old Star Trek line...."BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!"

She said this was the moment she made up her mind to leave the marriage and start life again on her own and on her own terms.
The song by the way was Elkie Brooks singing WE DON'T CRY OUT LOUD.