Sitting in different locations,
I can’t stop thinking of what’s different compared to last time
What used to be possible dates for me and my girlfriend while sitting in Euro history,
My girl sipping on her iced coffee in band class behind me,
Sitting by the stairs waiting for her to pick me up,
Waking up and texting good morning,
Has changed to a painful pit while I sit,
An attachment to a stranger I used to care for in band,
Crying on the stairs,
Waking up without any notifications or a person on my Lock Screen,
And an eternal sense of regret and shame
I promised to never hurt her
I double pinky promised to never leave her this year
Yet I’ve done both of these things
One with a terrifying choice I shouldn’t have even considered doing,
And the other forced as a consequence of my actions
I couldn’t tell you why I ran my mouth that day in early December,
But I can tell you I deserve worse than what I got in mid January
I could’ve sworn to you her and I were meant to last
And although I still wish it to be true,
I’m doing this for you
Whether I draw my last breath by the end of this month,
Or I live on and find a way to live without the most perfect girl in the world,
I choose to listen to your painful words
I’m not supposed to leave,
You told me you’ll miss me,
But you want me to go,
And if it’ll make you happy I can’t argue with that
You’ll forever be in my heart,
My green baby girl,
But the next time you see me,
My eyes won't be inviting you to look at them
You don't get to be friends with someone you hurt
Same goes for me
I’m so sorry for what I did,
But you couldn’t know how eager I am to go numb