Your eyes are lost in a place with no answers--and I wonder how I could reach you.
I wonder how I could penetrate the surface of the ice.

And I understand that
the grief of your mother's passing and the grief of our lost life together
is churning within you and
in this hellish place, I imagine you are sitting alone.

A great sense of urgency overcomes me
every day
in every moment my mind is available to wander--and it does so,
seeming to be drawn to you; I feel

drawn to throw my body against the ice with the force of ten thousand Greek soldiers
against the walls of Troy. And it's only when I've got nothing left
save an indignant and animal desperation
that a reasonable voice echoes faintly in my head.

It pulls me back and suggests
that only a warmth within you
can possibly melt the barrier
between us.

With the animal urge still whimpering in half breaths and drooling spit
like a dying rodent, I whisper to you
that I'd be in there with you if I could, that I love you
and I'm so sorry I can't turn back time to correct for my foolishness.

My breath condenses upon the ice and instantly freezes,
leaving me alone in my own hell
where the reasonable voice tells me
that I will still live

if I never see you again.