There's blackness as I wake
Even as I wake it's still night.
It might be sullen of me
But waking up is heart rending when you have nothing to wake up for.

Saturnine bells ring as if I should shoot up, sing till my voice is sore
In the 7am pre rest
Of at least on the outside, resting for the rest of the day.

I could write, I could respond to who could change my life
Get myself out of pathetic debts burdened onto me by fellow humans
Who should adapt to my snails pace; not urge me to rush.

I feel like my head is tagging along behind my body
Or vice versa
I want the coffee to make my dreams come true
Without me having to face rejection.

I wanted to die at twelve
So knowing what to do has become a rare jewel for a planet
That saw the other orbs living freely and didn't follow suit.

It wants me to wake and detonate
Fade into fewer words
And sit pretty with my Venus face.
Slotting myself between depression and depression seems like a common thread for most

But I can't do it.
I just can't do it.