You know... I really wish I could say that everything will be all right,
But I just can't know that. The only thing that has changed with me
is the fact that I'm too afraid to do anything wrong. I can't just lay in bed
and be ill and hope that people will understand, because I know they won't.
I have experienced the wrath of a person who just doesn't understand, and
I am afraid. Afraid to talk, afraid to express anything but the approved material,
afraid to be anything other than what they think is alright. Every god ****** day
is a struggle to get up and walk around and smile and try to be normal and happy
like they say I should be. I am not normal, I am sick, I am not okay, I am not fit to
survive like this anymore. And the thing is, that probably won't ever change.
The thought that I'll never find any kind of good in this life, with this sickness, this ugly
mental and physical sickness... Makes me pretty **** doubtful that everything will be okay.