Oh the very heart of me is breaking
this disaster was mine to be responsible for making
Most people don't notice that I am shaking
due to all the drugs I am currently taking.
I can't help it, I self medicate
wishing I could almost put myself straight on sedate.
I end up inebriated
trying to get my *** faded
I am half way intoxicated.
Seeing through eyes that are jaded.
There are few in whom I would care to confide my thoughts about premeditated homicide.
I carry myself with all the pride
I carry all this pain deep inside
I am someone's die or ride.
I failed but I really tried.
Wiping at the tears I have cried.
Part of me has died
that part is never coming back
the shadows just as still as they are black.
I've got sunshine in a sack
no I am not talking about crack.
I didn't think that I had to still live like that
Falling a full blown panic attack
Chaos and calamity I can't help but attract
A soul can not run on a backwards track
Clickety ******* clack clackety ******* click
No one understands just what really makes me tick.
In my head my thoughts are sick.
Someone help me please help me quick.
I will burn your house down with a candle stick so you won't hear my lighter click.
Now something wicked this way is about to come
I urge the demons to get them some.
Fee fie foe fom
go to fom foe fie fee
Hoping the giant of this beanstalk don't see me.
The pain has left  me feeling completely numb
I try hard to push my way passed it all, my only rule of thumb,
The bigger they are the harder they fall
crimson Stains on the tile floor of a bathroom stall
some forgotten and ungodly hall.
I started this little trip with a eight ball
I hate all this ******* lies and all
I may look as if I am standing tall
back flat up against the wall
I don't know who the hell I could even call.
No one will catch me if I fall
I know that for certain
As my fat *** sits here hurting
close the blinds and those curtains
so no one outside can see into my room
that is filled with so much gloom.
It's starting to feel like it is my tomb
the feeling of doom
***** the air right out of the room.
I think I am starting to suffocate
I can't be lead to believe that is my fate.
I will never get this **** straight
It isn't feeling so ****** great.
Wonder if anyone else out there can even kind of relate.
We all seem to be filled with hate for each other instead maybe we should love one another.
For in God's eyes everyone is my sister or my brother.
Ease up some you are almost beginning to end up letting me start to feel like I m going to smother.
I sometimes don't have faith that from this tragedy I'll someday recover.
I really stopped being a fighter I am more of a lover
underneath the sheets I am covered.
In the sky if I could I would probably just hover. Watching everyone and everything in my sight
I am so far left they call me can't get right.
**** seizing the day I would rather rule the night my flames, in my hell's burning bright.
I think I lost my will to even fight.
I can't help wondering if I will really be alright
or if I will waste away waiting for the  arrival of my white knight

Left in my very wake
My soul you simply cannot take
I left everything on complete devastate
It's up to me to get the story out there So I create
a conversation that sparks a huge debate
Everything I touch I complicate.

As for me and these **** demons I usually tend,
I now must simply contend
Thirsting the nefarious ones of my misfortune they drink
Paired with the unpredictable demons I wait to go extinct
Teetering on a psychotic episode I Totter on the very brink
I know that everything could very well go up in a puff of smoke, in just a blink.
I can't concentrate. I don't even know what to think.

No one would have ever believed
Just how much peace into the atmosphere had  been breathed
Some of this stress has automatically been released
Hanging above me and my demons now unleashed
Are tragic skies that have been Disastrouslun streaked
My vicious inner beast
is so disembodied now its in a deep sleep
Just Like me the monsters I conjure are quite unique
Coughing choking I sound like I am dying but I am enjoying the relief
Please pass that sweet leaf

From these moments and memories that at best
bittersweet
i find myself just running away atte to retreat
I don't know what it really is that I actively seek
My very intentions are just now starting to reek
I open my mouth and accidently double speak
I cannot help the fact that I feel so incomplete
I refuse to accept defeat
Now I lay me down to do anything but sleep
I think in my addiction I am in way to deep\
Now all I can think to do is to render myself obsolete
I stand here just kind of chilling in disbelief
overcome I am with all this **** grief
That I am in fact a sick sad mess underneath
I sure could use just a. Little more of that sweet leaf if you have any to spare
So ****** up not looking at anything but seemingly I stare
My emotions are just as raw as they are bare
Is anyone that's here right now even really even there.
Don't tell me it really doesn't matter because I don't care.
I do just whatever I dare
For something to go as I had planned is very rare
For what's coming next how could I ever prepare.
Father I've come to you in prayer
Please won't you confirm that you up there.