I see the earth burning around me
in the most literal sense.
Bombs of foreign wars
we are complacent inside
heating the earth.

There is ice in Texas
there are children
and mothers
and doctors
and lawyers
and people
turned to rubble and ash,
we are complicit in their pain.

We have only two different
monopolies to choose from
and I am wondering
how to crawl out of my skin
or maybe move to Iceland.

How do you swallow this type of pain?
the kind where you are too far away?
The kind that twists your insides
and provokes a unique kind of helplessness.

I used to let my wrists run red
just to come back to my body
and now here I sit
wanting to save the world.
wanting to take away pain
I so easily caused myself.

how does helpless feel this heavy?
like the weight of the world is
resting on my psyche alone.

the united states of disarray
dysregulation and disempowerment.

this never really felt like home
but now more than ever
I am stuck settled in a reality
someone else put me in.

my nervous system is teetering
between defeat and reaction
between the joker and batman
between benzos and stimulants.
trying to course correct
a dejected conglomerate.

this can't all be for nothing,
so instead of giving up I keep fighting
for those who don't have the agency
for those who don't have autonomy.

rummaging through coping tactics
like they're a closet full of clothes,
writing is the closest thing to closure I'll ever know.