The other day, I was lounging on the sofa, flicking through the latest offerings on Netflix.

Same old story: I waste ages doing this, then end up watching Prison Break for the umpteenth time.

Mum had gone to bingo with Fat Bertha, and Simon was out with Sharon, probably hugging trees or eating a salad somewhere.

The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hello, lover, did you miss me?"

Oh crap, it was Randy Sue.

"You never called. Where have you been, big boy? Mama needs some lovin'."

"Oh, er... hi, Sue. I've been busy. Look, I'm with Fat Bertha now, so..."

"You what? She's enormous! Get your *** round to mine, and I'll show you what a real woman is."

"Hey! Don't disrespect Bertha! She's a beautiful soul. We had our fun, Sue. Time to move on."

"Is Simon dating anyone?"

"Yes, he is. Let's call this a goodbye, shall we? Take care."

"Bye, lover. Good luck with the walrus."

"You really are an unpleasant woman, Sue. My Bertha is worth ten of you."

"She's as big as ten of me! Ha ha ha."

I hung up.

Just then, an SMS came through from Mum:

"See you in an hour or so, me and Bertha love you **"

I typed a reply:

"Can't wait to see my two favourite women in the whole wide world. Love yous **"

I looked back at the screen, then clicked on Prison Break.