I remember watching Perks of Being A Wallflower in high school and hearing the quote “You accept the love you think you deserve” for the first time.

I remember going home and googling the quote, unable to understand the deep meaning behind it.

I remember wondering why everyone who saw the movie raved over the quote.

But I get it now.

I am a product of it.

I’ve avoided this feeling for so long. In fear that if I put it into words it would make it come true. But I’ve known for awhile now.

I am loved.
I am cared for.
I love.
I care.
It should be enough.
I want it to be enough.

But the monster that lives inside me craves more. They will not leave me alone.
I remind the monster that I don’t deserve it.
I tell the monster that after everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve done, I need to be happy with what I have.
I continue to keep the monster at bay. Refusing to let it consume me and search for something greater.
I urge the monster to leave. Beg even.

I am happy. I need that to be enough.

I’ve made my bed.
I will lie in it.