Simon is funny one. He eats soup with a fork and drinks water from a toilet pan.I often wonder if we are related.

Last Christmas he handed me a big box with a bow on it.I ripped it open in anticipation and found inside a rotten apple.

Strange gift, I thought, so I pinned him to the floor and farted in his face. He giggled and shouted for more.

Only last week he was at it again. This time he was farting into empty jam jars and quickly ******* the tops back on to trap his efforts.

He may be a ****** but I do like him.
My mum on the other hand, gets very angry with him.

I think it's time to put him down.