Years have passed, my love, yet your voice still follows me like a lost piece in time. How I've craved for your laughter, the soothing romance of your words, and the way 'I miss you' once came from you—that made my heart falter and nearly die.

Must love need such sacrifice before its reality blooms and becomes genuinely ours to hold? I find none that can match it, despite my mother, with her kind heart, sending out men of money she likes, expecting to see me loved solely by fortune. In her eyes, I am beautiful and graceful, knowledgeable and deserving of the best heart. Is the heart yours? I don't know. All I know is that I revere you, despite the fact that my reason and aching are at odds—an Armageddon within me.

So here's a taste of it, my love. A love I once held with naïve wonder, thrilled by something I barely understood. But now I'm all too familiar with its gravitational pull and resistance. You may grow to loathe me for this. Still, a part of me wants to see you; you know my favourite food and where we met. However, I have no desire to revisit those memories; let them remain where they belong, and I will go there with whomever I choose. You, my darling, are no longer sacred in that sense.

Sometimes I think, if love is so strange, let me live forever—such beauty is worth more than a fleeting existence. I do not want death or an end, but if it is necessary, we must have one. However, the universe feels like a half-dreamed story, I can't understand. Would that it were everything but a delusion! But if I go out to the streets and cuss at the loud passers-by, they will yell back, won't they? If I upset my boss, she'd kick me out, wouldn't she? Then all of this must be true. But that's strange—very strange—and I don't understand it. And you still love me, don't you?

At times, I still wonder what you truly want from me. You seem to have no desire other than to completely possess me and hold me tight. Isn't it only a simple need to feel me near again, to know that what we dreamed and felt is as real as your own and mine? Yes, what we've loved in thought and heart aligns like stars—but you have no idea how much I've changed. My love stays unaffected.

If only you knew that you are not equally deserving in my eyes as you think. You have no idea exactly which path I will choose or what the future holds. Yet, how beautiful it is to see 'I love you' in my eyes every day—a shelter, a wish realized. That is exactly what my heart desires. However, we are separated, and I am free to go as I like. I make no guarantees, simply that I still hold you in my heart. But my life, dear love, is mine alone—not for you!

I don't know the weight of your troubles, your love, or the loneliness that keeps you where you are. Perhaps your pain outweighs mine, leading me to question whether I should wish you gone. You've rusted like iron, and I'm the stone that has been softened by time and is meant to sparkle like diamonds. May my foolishness make things even more difficult? For the time being, wisdom is more than enough. And, despite my selfishness, I can't take the thought of losing you. You must stay by my side until I can find joy without you. Perhaps this is the price you must pay, but in the end, it will be worth the difficulty I face.

What if we were imprisoned by the world itself, destined to love one another forever, and suffered an endless misery? Is it possible that we were meant to cross paths and fall in love again in some previous life? I fail to recognize how, but I know you; therefore, it can't be any other way. You have a familiarity, a knowing, as if your soul and mine had already danced in silence that only we know.

My darling, how lovely it would be to leave this world in your loving hands. But is it possible that even if I were to marry someone else in the future, the sight of your face would be the only thing that would bring me peace? The cruelest of fates, wouldn't it? Because it is you that I have loved, both joyfully and sorrowfully. We are intertwined in both tenderness and pain, like a rose and its thorn. Oh God, the pain of loving you sends through the heavens—how many times have I spoken your name? My friends are aware of you. My mom is aware of you. Who gives us this love, though? For what purpose does God permit it? How much of this can I take?

Didn't you initially blame the heavens and all of their gods? Allow them to work now in their unusual, fateful way. And if that is the case, then allow me to receive the karma I have sown, just as you must in due time.

My soul's cry is known by your listening heart, Lord, if you do indeed hear. I hand in to your will, whatever it may be, because you are the one who has seen me through this storm. You know my heart, and by knowing me, you also know him, even though my prayers haven't reached him. Give us your blessing so that we can be happy no matter what happens or, at the very least, feel at ease knowing that we are protected by one another's love. I beg you alone: Lord, lighten his burdens. If that lightening means a life apart from me, then so be it. I would have him freed, given he finds peace.

I realize that you might only want to love me at this moment, but even so, my heart still loves you, even though I worry that my efforts may decrease or stop completely. There is a desire inside of me for something greater than what we have been. Even though you are very kind, it is not enough to keep me because you need to accept everything about me and my family in order to possess me. This will be a huge burden for you, my love. However, I assure you that I will see you again, though in a different lifetime, at a moment so special. Because even after I'm gone, you will always be a part of my soul. I want you to be the last person to hold me when death calls for me—by my side as I turn to dust. My dear, what a burden it must be for you. I long to rise again because it is already too heavy for me to handle.

Maybe I won't order the ramen, and if I do, it would be better to enjoy it by myself. After all, our meeting spot is just a mall that I love, where I will stroll around and spend in treats to prove to the world that I am capable of standing tall and on my own. My lipstick, blush, bronzer, and contour, my shoes, clothes, and bag all reflect a world I've created, with each item being more costly than the one before it. Nevertheless, I question if you are worthy of walking with me. Wouldn't a wealthy, attractive man be more appropriate for a woman like me? I know you used to say you were busy, but what have you turned into?

Love, you have taken up so much of my time, making me rebuild, only to come back when everything has changed. My once-steady heart is now an overturned table. Now, where have you gone? Not quite as far as I was in 2019? Maybe 2020? Have you in any way made your parents proud of you? And I would say that mine have supported me through every storm and seen me slap away every hard reality. Silence has never been an ally in our battles. They are too familiar with you. My dear, your hopes are too high. Even though I didn't understand her at the time, my mother saw you as something I couldn't hold from the beginning. I can now understand why, through the lens of her sorrow—her own first love lost to the passage of time. I'm not going to wait to hear about your passing. But know that you are going to understand when it's time for me. As you always have, you will regret it in the moment—you're always too late.

You will never be mine, my love; my soul cries. This writing, this troubled text, was the result of a ****** conflict between emotion and logic that was impossible to stop. You are a myth that continues in the back of my mind and is sewn into every part of my days. Perhaps we will cross paths in another life. Let your actions speak louder than words if you genuinely love someone. Given that I can't believe this, even as your voice echoes in my ear. I have put you in the past, out of my reach, save for a moment of desire. I might give up if you want me in the middle of the night, but know that it will be without love. All that's left is an unsatisfied hunger for you. Maybe it's the fire we used to share, the touch, or the body I miss. However, it's not that simple—no, my desire extends farther back, to a moment when I believed I had truly loved you. But now all I can feel is the pain of the flesh I want.

My heart would shake with fear if death were fighting for you right now, because what if the afterlife were real and you could see me from some distant, invisible realm? However, I would prefer that you be sent to a place of eternal pain rather than peace because of the years of suffering you have caused me. And yet—how you have turned into such a complete and miserable tragedy that even my anger has been controlled by your own miserable condition.

Should you ask as to whether we will ever fall in love again, I give up. The weight of it all aches too much in my soul for me to know how to respond. I hope you get it. Even though I am only a passing thought to you, I am standing here with a grudging sense of happiness in my chest—perhaps blessed that you want to keep me and wish for me forever. How are we supposed to live? I'll ask again: do you get me? I seek happiness—just you and me, in bliss—rather than sadness in our times together. You still only touch me in bed and give me momentary pleasure; there is no heart-to-heart exchange. You have no place in my future. I hope, by the gods, you understand this.

I've prayed for eternity to drive away this desire and to abandon my love for you, just as one might exorcise a curse. I wish I could have such a miracle, but should I call upon someone to erase you from my thoughts? Oh, if such cruelty could ever be reversed, how painful it would be for you.