ambition is an apparition of the most beautiful woman you have ever seen in your life. she does not text you back. sometimes you see her in the mirror. in your braided hair.

wounds are soft pink after the heat of steam and a night's sleep. this is the same shade you see in the flowers that grow outside your bedroom window. the warm flush of life.

your soft underbelly is milky white, your face is tan with sun, and you search for whitening creams in a korean grocery store near your house. freckles line the the horizon like stars you drew on her face.

dostoyevsky says that a man must work to be worthy of his own suffering. you don't like suffering, but you like the way blood feels on your tongue, the burn of muscles after exertion, skin being peeled back.

your body is out of your reach most of the time. helium party balloons with strings cut short. needles in your thighs. an iv in your elbow. you don't know how to inject yourself properly so it falls on your roommate.

your only friend is a razor blade, but she doesn't like you enough to reply. nights pass without you noticing because the blinds are always shut. she won't kiss your face anymore, only your arms.