I wake up and there aren't tears
There aren't fears
My heart isn't pounding

I wake up and feel that I went through something but its a blur and suddenly I then remember
I fight those traumatic events and push it back in my head

You won't ruin my day, no one will
I am me and I am my own person and this feels so good

I can play whatever music I want
I keep speak to my online friends without insults
I can use the dryer and vacuum without your permission

I can finally smile and honestly that makes me cry
Tears of happiness that I got out of this
I didn't know if I would ever
I was so stuck on wanting you to love me

I realized now loving yourself doesn't mean just having self esteem, it means taking care of yourself and no longer allowing harmful people to return in your life

I go outside and feel the breeze, I look at the trees, I see all the people outside their porches enjoying the sun, I see the bird and squirrels and I tell myself, I am so lucky. I am so **** lucky to be alive.

I dont believe in a God but there is a purpose that I survive so much in my life. I was told that escaping this makes me the bravest person, and that it's admirable.

I then start to see myself in the mirror, my bruises fading. I see my reflection but I don't know what else there is.

For I am a creature of connecting to other humans, nature and art. My reflection is just me.

I sip this bottle of wine knowing I am safe, I am not masking any feelings and I am enjoying myself.

I am enjoying myself?! Wait what?!