Why does my body remember the flash of lightning
But wants to forget the devastation of the storm?
Holding on white-knuckled to the loss
Of the thing I broke free from

My heart is an optimist's
Distorted by the lie that what I had was all I deserved
Twisted by loneliness and a desire for good
It glossed over that it was bad, and I was still lonely

The lit match was me swimming up from a ship sunk long ago
Finding a life raft floating up above
But my grip keeps shaking in fear
Of what holding on too tight would mean

And my heart goes back to the lie, to the storm, to the shipwreck
Fear rules more of me than I will ever accept.
But I will never go back, even if fear manifests and I end up treading water alone
If all else fails, I will cling to the driftwood knowledge that it is more important for me to be with my true self than with anyone else

The voice inside says I'm not a swimmer, but
You also said I wasn't a mountain climber