I’m a love guru, or so they say, 
whispering wisdom to couples each day. 
I paint love’s picture, a masterpiece bright, 
yet somehow, my canvas stays blank every night. 

“Just text her back!” or “Give him some space,” 
I solve their dilemmas with effortless grace. 
Like Cupid, I aim, they fall head over heels, 
while my own heart spins like training wheels. 

I’m the matchmaker, the sage of romance, 
helping their love life take off like a dance. 
But when they ask, “So, who’s your sweet thing?” 
I just laugh and shrug— What’s that supposed to mean?

“I guide to treasures,” I say with a grin, 
“Like a pirate with no ship to sail in.” 
They laugh, I laugh, we all share the joke— 
While I Netflix alone, wrapped up in a cloak. 

I’ve got advice for days, for them, not for me, 
an oracle of love who’s still running free. 
So if you ask, “Why are you single, my friend?” 
Just know, this treasure map has no end!