I can't do this again.
The staying up til 3
The "I'm sick."
And I always asked what was wrong
Even though I knew it was the self same soul sickness
That always went round the mulberry bush to gibberish and venomous hate,
The you-can't-fix-me-but-you're-why-I-broke lies
The jigsaw puzzle mind crumbling in shards
Of nonsense suffering.
I can't do this again.
I can't be your medication.
I was a shade, a shadow of myself
Because all my vitality was sapped
By your demands.
I loved you until I was a husk of a person,
And if I'm not enough,
Darling,
It's not me anymore, it's you.
It's not that you don't deserve reprieve,
It's that you take take take
And it doesn't even heal you.
It does nothing.
All getting does
Is make you want.
It makes you think that
If only
You get
Just
A little more
You'll feel it.
I'm six months of constant proof
That you won't.
Do you understand?
I can't do this again.