i remember being a child
where the only hurt was the scrape of a knee
and the monsters existed under the bed.
awakening early, excited for the day.
to learn, to play, to love and to live.

there are many things that i can recall
but one of things that i cannot
is when i lost my love for life.

now i am growing still,
the pain of childhood is no more.
my heart aches are far worse than any boo boo
that my mommy could kiss better.
the monsters exist still,
but now they are in my head.

the part that scares me the most
is not the aches or the thoughts
but the fact that most of my days are bad days
where i lay in bed and think about life
and how i am better off without it.

and in those moments,
where i want nothing more than to go to sleep
and never wake up...
i ask myself,
where did it all change?
what did i do wrong?
why do i feel so bad?

i guess i just have to learn
to be more like the ocean
and go with the flow