hate yourself so much you start to hate everyone else. hate your life and everything that happens every day. hate it so much you use it to cut lines of red in your skin, light it on fire and inhale it so you don't have the energy to hate for a while. then hate all the distractions you use to feel better, hate the people who don't understand, hate that you cannot figure out a way to connect with them and make them know that you want to die, and you're on the verge, and when it gets to that point you won't be stopping to call for help and you won't be taking it easy on yourself because everything else has been so ******* hard.

*5.1.13