although it was love at first sight,
we aren't sylvia and ted, darling

you won't cheat on me
or marry someone else
(coz you love me so)

and i will never need anti depressants;
for my heart will never be clenched by an owl's talon
(coz you love me so)

i will never be seized by the irrational compulsion
of putting my head in the oven
or leaving our (imaginary) kids desolate
(coz you love me so)

you give me everything i can ever want,
everything she ever wanted, but never got.
i pity sylvia,
i wish she had met you.