if i come up with one more clever line for this poem i will have to pull over to the side of the highway.

just so i don't forget a single detail.

no detail is too small, with you.

i will always hope every muddy electric-blue car is you. always going somewhere, somewhere you've either never been or been to a thousand times.

i cannot look at anything without being reminded.

i should just shut my eyes.

facing the ache...one song at a time. my knuckles, probably white & cracked beneath my sweatshirt sleeves pulled down enough to conceal my whole hands as they grip the wheel.

intrusive thoughts. no...impulsive thoughts...

what would you say if i just showed up at your doorstep?...

a flock of black birds speckled across the sky, speckled like the rain drops across my windshield, like the warm ribbons of salt falling from my chin & spotting my pants.

why is it we appreciate what we had once we lose it?...

"you are part of me... (: "

visions of us, of you with your hands in my hair, the room, blue & dark, but not dark blue, flood my mind like a broken dam, like a plague of good things that hurt to remember.

i can't shut my eyes to not see these things.

nothing they say is what i want to hear...

stomach gnawing...heart writhing...head pounding...so much typed, then deleted...never sent. tears pool in my ear as i lay on the floor, a limb, missing.

why is it we suddenly want what we decided to let go of?

"you are part of me... (: "
you are part of me . . .